"I want to have more confidence in this new role."

My client Alexandra and I were discussing her coaching goals. She started a new high-pressure role in a new sector. She got the job because of her transferable skills and her experience.

I inquired what makes her think she needs more confidence.

"Am I doing well? Is this good enough? Am I doing enough? Do I belong?" she answers without hesitation.

Do you think you have the experience for this job?, I ask.

"Absolutely", she says.

Many of my clients are high achievers. They've been successful in their career and inevitably get promotions or new jobs with more responsibility and prestige.

But then they land in that new role, and suddenly, they are a different person. Hesitate before they speak, apologise when it's unnecessary, or obsess over every detail before sending that e-mail.

In the onboarding meetings with clients, we clearly define their coaching goals. And I establish what's going on that prevents them from achieving that goal.
Alexandra did not lack confidence. She lacked self-belief.

Let me explain …

If you consult a dictionary, you get overlapping terms and no clear distinction between the two. But there's an important distinction, so here is my exploration of the difference.

Self-confidence is being assured in your abilities. Self-belief is the opinion you hold about yourself. (I chose the word self-belief for this article, but self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love are related terms)

I didn't find many sources that resonated with me in my research. But one did: David Sammel, a professional tennis coach, explains the difference with a metaphor:

• Belief is the foundation of a wall you build. It needs to be solid, set in stone.
• Confidence is sand on top of that wall. Confidence, like sand, will blow in and out. You'll have periods of high confidence (e.g after a successful presentation) and periods of low confidence (e.g. negative feedback from your boss).

Top athletes can lose a few matches in a row (knocking back their confidence) but then bounce back with a tournament win (strong self-belief + rebuilt confidence). If your self-belief is the solid foundation, you only need to (re-) build your confidence. But if you don't have a foundation of self-belief, you can hit rock bottom as soon as the wind blows off your confidence.

The levers are different.

Self-belief is internal.

It's your view on whether you belong and whether you're good (enough). It gives you trust in yourself, optimism and the ability to let go of worries quickly. Self-belief gives you the resilience to push on in difficult times, whether on a challenging project, building a business, or a job-hunting process. It gives you the courage and motivation to aim for goals.

Self-confidence interacts with the external world.

Self-confidence is built in the process of doing something. It 'reacts' to stimulus. It's the factor that directly impacts whether you achieve your goals. It's the premise that you can do something ("can do") and that if you do that, the world around you will change (it "can happen").

In training for any sport, you work on improving your game. If you're a beginner, you might marvel at your progress in holding a tennis racket. That builds confidence. Slowly, you build up your tennis game – and your confidence. Self-belief, on the other hand, is knowing you have the right to be on the tennis court in the first place.

In the example of my client Alexandra, she'll need new skills, tackle new projects, and manage (or interact with) new people in her new job.

Strong self-belief means Alexandra knows she has the right to sit at the table and be there in the first place. She's at peace, optimistic and focused on the responsibilities at hand.

Being self-confident, she knows she can do the job and learn new skills. She knows what it takes to achieve the KPIs and trusts her ability to influence change.

It's a subtle but essential difference.

Now that you know the difference, look at your life and career:

Can you identify what you need more off? Self-confidence, self-belief – or both?

You build confidence (in new skills, activities) but strengthen self-belief (in yourself).

They need different practices.

Confidence is built by deciding on a goal, planning your game plan, improving your skills and tactics, and focusing on the processes.

You do that through practice and refining your game plan. You review facts and data. Lack of confidence often arises if goals are unclear and there's no plan or framework to assess whether the plan is working.

Self-belief is strengthened by how you tend to yourself.

Strong self-belief means having positive views about yourself and feeling good about who you are. You strengthen self-belief by engaging in practices that allow external influences to disappear and foster compassion and love for yourself.

I'm curious: Was that distinction helpful?

If so, would you be interested in practising to strengthen self-belief and build self-confidence? Then you might like to join Insight Circle on Friday, April 26. 

Join Insight Circle on Friday, 26 April 2024 – 12.30 pm GMT (London) time

Were you ever inspired by an idea only to have life get in the way of applying it?

Reading about a topic is different from putting it into action.

Insight Circle is your step closer to action.

In this (free) group call, we explore a topic from my emails through coaching, discussion, sharing, and reflection. We learn the most when we articulate our thoughts aloud, trial things, and explore ideas with others.

Insight Circle is for you if you’re inspired by my emails and want to take things further.

What will you get at the Insight Circle?

• A deeper, practical and “bring-to-life” perspective on the topic.
• New perspectives and methods to practice through discussions with others.
• A list of resources and ideas from me to take away.

As this will be an interactive session, I won’t record the session. Please be prepared to be on camera and discuss with me and others. 

The first Insight Circle will be on the topic of this newsletter:

“How to build self-confidence and self-belief”
Friday, 26 April 2024 at 12.30 pm GMT (London time).

>> Register here <<

Have a fantastic rest of the week,

Simone