“So, what’s the problem, really?”, I asked.
I looked at the big square on my screen. Joanne sighed. Her forehead creased. She looked away. She was thinking.
Joanne got promoted to a senior leadership role in a multi-lateral organisation less than a year ago. A position she can proactively shape. Before, she was executing projects, but now she is tasked with finding new business opportunities and clients and shaping new projects.
I’ve been coaching Joanne for six months now. I know that she loves that part of her job. Incubation and creativity are two of her core strengths. Her face brightens when she tells me about all the opportunities for her organisation to finance projects they’ve never done before. Her vision involved leaving a mark by doing projects the organisation had never done.
But here she was. Uncomfortable shifting on her seat. Finally, she looks at me:
“I need to shut out the noise. The voice that discourages me. That tells me I’m silly. That tells me no one has done this before, so why should I succeed.”
She came into the coaching session believing avoiding these tasks was a time management issue. Instead, she now realises it’s a function of her inner critic blocking the way. To succeed in her new role and leave the legacy she wants, she has to find ways to manage the inner dialogue in an encouraging way.
I’m telling this story because we all have our version of avoiding.
Like Joanne, we sometimes bury ourselves in our task list and put off the one thing we want to progress on.
But more often than not, we know there is no good reason to avoid it.
We understand it mentally but not emotionally.
Andy Molinski’s research on comfort zones highlights five psychological traits that unconsciously make us avoid doing things, even if they are important to us.
- Authenticity: We don’t feel authentic when we think about doing something we’ve not done before. And because we feel inauthentic, we’re less likely to do it.
- Competence: We know we aren’t competent at it from the outset. And we feel this will be obvious to others. And who wants to be seen as incompetent?
- Resentment: We might feel resentful if we step out of our comfort zone in the first place. We might think: Why is our natural way not good enough?
- Likeability: We think that others might not
like the new version of us.
- Moral Compass: We might have to do something against our ethics or morals.
Take a moment and think about a past or future situation where you want(ed) to step out of your comfort zone.
Can you name the psychological trait that prevents / prevented you?
P.S: If you want to read Andy’s strategies for what to do if one or more of these traits hold you back, head
here.