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My pixel phone shows 21:11. My partner is listening to an episode of The Truth podcast next door. My eyes are glassy. I want to shut my computer and call it a day.

But no. I've promised myself that I will study for an hour for a coaching credential exam I'm taking on 18 October.

Now, you might wonder if I pushed myself that late. When I'm fatigued, I won't absorb much.

You're partly right. But I have a reason ā€¦.

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Itā€™s the free monthly career Q&A tomorrow, Thursday 3 October. There's still time to join me. Details & RSVP here.
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I'm an obliger in Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework: "To meet inner expectations, obligers must create outer accountability - and it must be the right kind of accountability."

Give me a deadline, and I meet it.

But the problem with this exam? I could postpone it. There's no external reason why I need to take the exam on 18 October ā€“ or at all, for that matter. No one is going to come and hold me accountable.

When I discussed this with my partner, he couldn't understand why I would postpone or procrastinate on something I wanted to do. He said, "I do what I say I do."

And he does. He's been doing yoga without fail every morning between 7 and 8 as long as we've been together. And that's eight years.

While I was reflecting on my partnerā€™s words and the way he shows up for himself, a thought hit me:

What if the more my partner shows up on the yoga mat, the more he builds 'a mental muscle' to show up in other areas, too?

Yes, as an obliger, I thrive on external accountability. I have some structures in place and can probably use more.

But for those last-mile things that I canā€™t get external accountability for ā€¦. Can I build "mental muscle" to honour my word more often?


Back to my sleepy eyes at 9 pm last night.

I sat down, dug into one workbook and stuck with it for one hour. I did make some progress in my studies, albeit slowly.

But the real point was Showing up and keeping my word. I wanted to end the day doing what I said I'd do - building my ā€˜mental muscleā€™ to meet that exam deadline of 18 October.

So, maybe we can build muscle to show up for ourselves? (ask me how this experiment is going in half a year!)


What do you think? Can one build ā€˜a mental muscleā€™ equivalent to external accountability? What is your experience with internal vs external accountability?


I'm genuinely interested in hearing your perspective,
Simone


P.S: If you are interested in the four tendencies, this podcast episode dives into them.

P.P.S: And the irony is not lost on me that I just created external accountability by telling all of you of my exam on the 18th 😊

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